05.23am is one of the most significant points of my life. It was the time I was admitted to a Psychiatric Ward. So that is why I decided to name this blog it because it changed my whole life, and my family's life completely. They have been my rock throughout all this and would not have coped without them.

Thursday, 20 September 2012

Approval, acceptance and friendship

 This is my 20th blog and I must say I am a bit surprised, surprised because I have actually stuck at something, but I am more surprised that people have actually been reading it- this I did not expect. So thank you! :)
My life has changed so dramatically over the past 2 years or so, even more so in the time I have been doing this blog. So doing this has been very therapeutic for me, it is difficult to examine yourself enough to be able to tell others, and I think I have only even realised 10% of who I am and what makes me tick but I am learning. The journey of self discovery can be very long and at times very painful but I think half the battle though my eyes is knowing yourself. For me knowing why something is happening is just as important as dealing with the problem, and I believe they are both linked.

'If someone lives with approval, they learn to like themselves. If someone lives with acceptance and friendship, they learn to find love in the world.'

I think this quote sums up the three things a person needs and yearns for when you are living with a mental health condition; Approval, acceptance and friendship. Perhaps the hardest one to find in other people is approval, or certainly it feels that way. It feels that if you don't have that approval from your friends and family you cant even start to be open about how your condition makes you feel. Everyone needs that feeling before they can then get the acceptance we need to live our lives openly and honestly,we need to be honest to both ourselves and to other people to live our lives to the full and the way we need to to make ourselves better. However we still live in a world where we are not understood and we are stigmatized by other peoples snap judgement when we tell them we have mental health problems. It can take weeks and weeks to get people to understand how feel and what we need from other people to help us get better. I have been very lucky, I am very lucky to have a very supportive network of family and friends around me, but it didn't appear over night and it was very hard to open up to them and be truly honest about how I felt and continue to feel. My parents have literally picked me up from the squalor both mentally and physically so it is them that I owe the most to. There is no doubt that friendships save lives, they are often the first port of call when you need to vent. When I look back at my time at uni I realise just how lucky I was to have the friends that I make while I was there.
The most important issue we face is to come to terms with ourselves, and how we have changed due to our illness. This requires so much soul searching and it only comes with time, as our illnesses evolve we too must evolve with it. For while I hated myself and everything I was but I learned that that is who I am now, so there is no point trying to fight it. Finding light and love whilst in such a dark place can be very difficult. Finding or seeing love whilst in this place is very difficult as the darkness is blinding and overwhelming. But I have learned to find it  in the small things, in beautiful places and in the inner beauty of the people around me, but this is a slow process and can be very frustrating. But when you see the light it makes you feel a whole lot better. Trust me.


  1. Ohh Sam, this made me cry!!! We love you very much and care more than you could ever know. I also found this so touching simply because I can relate to that desperate wanting of acceptance from those around me concerning who I am and the mental health problems that go along with it. Miss you. With love, Hope xxx